


To Live is to Die, To Die is to Live

by liimejuiice



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Love/Hate, Multi, Romance, Self-cest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-10-18 18:36:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20643797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liimejuiice/pseuds/liimejuiice
Summary: Kikyo learns that there is a thin line between love and hate.





	1. Realization.

Deep in the woods a single pine tree glimmered with the star-like quality of stolen souls. A tangle of inky hair and alabaster limbs swam into view as Kikyo’s collectors, eel-like and expressionless, wove gracefully around her slumped body. Tentatively she dug her delicate hands into the gnarled bark to pull herself up into a limp sitting position. The collectors’ arachnid legs released their glowing orbs, which immediately sought to be absorbed into Kikyo’s waxy flesh, imbuing her bloodless cheeks with a blooming mockery of a blush. 

As Kikyo bathed in the warmth of stolen life, her thoughts turned, as they always did, toward InuYasha. A familiar hatred blossomed in her chest as she relived her final moments--InuYasha’s snarling face, the shattering of her heart into a million [irrecoverable] fragments. To revisit these painful moments was to remember how it felt to be mortal. Kikyo could feel many emotions, but only rage filled her with enough vigor to sustain her crumbling body. 

In her blackest core, Kikyo desired InuYasha’s death at her cold hands. Each chance encounter with the hanyou made her very spirit itch for his demise. But when Kikyo looked into his amber eyes, she saw her future as she did fifty years ago--without the fresh well of hatred to draw from, she would forget mortality and sink to the other side forever. This cruel mirroring of emotions meant that she could never end his life without ending her own, though she had come close to both many times. 

Of course, InuYasha had chosen to cling to a living but laughable imitation of what Kikyo had once been--Kagome. 

If Kagome wasn’t the only other creature with the perception for the Shikon Jewel, Kikyo would have murdered her long ago. Kagome’s very face, so like Kikyo’s own, filled the undead priestess with a bellyful of unbridled malice. Although InuYasha and Kagome squabbled in a way that was unthinkable when Kikyo was alive, Kikyo could see the current of love that ran between them. More than once had Kikyo schemed to murder her own reincarnation, but it seemed the spirit of the living would always outshine that of a lich. 

What Kiko had forgotten was the attraction the dead garner toward the living. Although Kikyo loathed Kagome, she could no more kill her own spirit than she could allow her clay body to be swept away into the river. 

As Kikyo’s body wove itself back together with threads of the dead, she mused on the two priestesses’ most recent meeting. 

Fittingly, it had occurred in the very lands where Kikyo met her demise. She often returned, unable to resist steeping herself in the distilled memories of the earth that had soaked up her blood. She stood in the field, the flowers climbing to her slender waist. A soft humming floated up from the rustling leaves, and Kikyo tensed as she recognized the voice. Kagome suddenly stood up amongst the flowers, clutching her basket in alarm as she whirled around, locking eyes with Kikyo. 

Their eyes met, Kikyo’s narrowed in rancor, but as she continued to study Kagome’s face -- the pointed chin, long black hair, and deep amber eyes -- she saw that this woman both was and wasn’t her. Something different rested on Kagome’s troubled countenance, and she carried herself more easily, though with Kikyo’s same subtle pride. As they stared frankly at each other, Kikyo’s boiling rage slowly simmered away, replaced by a new electrifying curiosity. Taken aback, Kikyo broke eye contact, walking away with a racing heart.

To forget this viewing of Kagome through a new and confusing lens, Kikyo had thrown herself into purifying a small town nearby. As she lay now in the twilight, however, body exhausted but never truly capable of a restful sleep, Kikyo still found herself thinking of Kagome. The wind in her hair. The cautious fire in her gaze. That strange little shirt, fluttering in the wind to reveal a smooth, soft navel….

Kikyo flushed angrily. Kagome had stolen her role and her love and knew nothing of the nature of this world. She was not desirable. At dawn, Kikyo decided, she would purify herself of these unwanted inklings.


	2. A Miko's Garments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kikyo and Kagome bathe together, and Kikyo begrudgingly acknowledges Kagome's strength.

Hannoki Falls soared high into the chilly air, facing its twin, Shomyo Falls, to create a basin shrouded in fine mist. Kikyo regarded them solemnly for a moment, watching the water cascade over the emerald rocks. She removed her red garment and donned a simple white robe, freeing her hair from its restraints. She stepped into the shin-deep water, the freezing temperatures barely tickling her clay flesh. She ached to be shocked by the frigid water, to feel that crystal clear clarity, for goosebumps to once again raise her skin. 

Kikyo glided to the waterfall and knelt underneath it, bowing her head in disgrace. Her dark hair clung to her cheeks and shoulders. Time slipped around her as her mind revisited the void death had revealed to her. She prayed for thoughts of rancor, of revenge, of death and life and souls to melt away with the spring snows, to fall away from her and dissipate into harmless vapor. A deep trance fell upon her.

Kikyo did not know how much time had passed, but she could suddenly feel a presence. Her eyes shot open with annoyance and she turned slowly to face the only other person in the world who shared her aura. 

Kagome. The young priestess stood in the shallow water, clutching the shards around her neck. The sound of the twin falls roared around them, drowning all possibility of conversation. Nonetheless, Kagome looked as though she wished to speak, and Kikyo found herself walking forward, out of the spray and into the clear, calm air. Kagome took a few uncertain steps back, but their eyes remained locked. 

“What are you doing here?” Kikyo snapped, her voice a knife slicing through the moisture. 

“I-I was trying to rinse off all this gross stuff!” Kagome replied defensively. She gestured at her blood and gore-spattered clothes. 

Kikyo’s heart fluttered with an emotion that was both irritating and irresistible.

“You may do as you wish. I am undergoing a purification and will not be interrupted,” Kikyo said. Abruptly she turned away and placed herself under the waterfall again, allowing the roar of water to blot all other sounds away. 

Kagome hesitated, waiting for a moment to make sure Kikyo planned to stay in her position of prayer, then slowly pulled off her soiled top. She slid the skirt down her long legs, tidily folded her clothes, and placed them gently on the bank before wading further into the brisk pool. 

Twenty minutes or so passed. Kagome lounged in the water, eyes closed against the sun, a small smile on her face. Kikyo’s mind had turned from purification into envy for Kagome’s living flesh. Through her tightly closed eyes, she imagined the goosebumps, the soft skin, the cold fingertips. Kikyo struggled to reign in her imagination, and before long, she gave up. She turned and exited Hannoki, transparent white robe clinging to her slender body. She regarded Kagome for a moment before going to the bank, where Kagome’s strange clothes lay folded. 

“Why do you not wear your miko garment?” Kikyo asked. 

Kagome’s eyes snapped open and she sat up, alarmed. She studied Kikyo carefully for a moment.

“Well...I like those clothes. They’re my school uniform from my own time period,” she answered cautiously.

Kikyo said nothing, only bent to examine the filthy clothes more closely. 

“And...well...I’m not a real priestess, so….” Kagome trailed off, looking embarrassed. Her flushed cheeks touched Kikyo’s heart. 

“It is true. You are not a traditional priestess,” Kikyo admitted, reaching for Kagome’s clothes and gathering them off the ground. 

“Hey!” Kagome shouted, face reddening with indignation. “Those are mine!” She splashed angrily to her feet, but Kikyo simply put out her hand. Kagome fell silent, hugging her chest. Kikyo knelt by the pool, soaking the clothes and scrubbing them clean of their grime. 

“You are your own kind of priestess,” Kikyo said softly as she lifted the clothes from the water and rung them out. They looked brand new, spotless and glimmering slightly. Kagome gaped in silence as Kikyo hung them from a nearby tree brand to dry. It was all Kikyo could do not to glance back at Kagome’s glistening naked body as she disappeared into the trees without another word.


	3. The Bone-Eater's Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kikyo and Kagome meet yet again at the Bone Eater's Well, where their shared spirit urges them closer.

For the next fortnight, Kikyo and Kagome wove in and out of each other’s lives. Kagome had awakened powerful feelings in Kikyo, and though she remained largely hidden, Kagome would occasionally get a glimpse of her. Kikyo tried to mask her scent so that InuYasha wouldn’t smell her and come running. 

After a period of rest, InuYasha’s group departed the village to continue their pursuit of Naraku. Kikyo trailed after them, telling herself that they shared a common enough goal when in reality she craved to hear Kagome’s impassioned voice, to catch a glimpse of her alone at night, pondering the stars. She knew it would be difficult to separate Kagome from InuYasha’s militant watch, but she waited and bided her time. 

One sunny afternoon, Kikyo heard the all-too familiar “Sit, boy!” ring through the trees, but this time with extra force.   
  
“C’mon, Kagome!” InuYasha shouted. “I didn’t mean it like that! Your clothes look fine!” 

Kagome stormed to her bike, throwing herself onto it and riding briskly away.

“I’ll be back in a few days!” Kagome huffed. Kikyo’s heart leapt into her throat-- Kagome was surely going to the Bone Eater’s Well. 

Kikyo glided through the trees, making her way to the well as fast as she could. She could hear Kagome grumble angrily as she clattered through the rough terrain. By the time the teenager arrived, Kikyo was poised by the well, seemingly inspecting the ancient wood with slender fingers.

Kagome screeched to a halt, a sudden blush deepening her cheeks.

“Kikyo?” Kagome said softly, descending from her bike. “What are you doing here?”

“I wish to know more of this well,” Kikyo responded imperiously.

Kagome remained silent. She felt uneasy--Kikyo had always frightened her, but she had also found herself desperately wishing they could get along. She felt they had a lot to learn from each other.

“I’d think...you’d know more than me,” Kagome confessed, gently setting her bike down.

“You have brought many changes to this realm,” Kikyo said, gaze boring into Kagome’s. “I don’t know about your world as I do mine.” 

“I don’t really understand how it works,” Kagome said slowly. “I can go back to my time period, and InuYasha can come with me, but to everyone else it’s just a regular ol’ well.”

“Where is InuYasha?” Kikyo asked, feigning ignorance.

Kagome’s face instantly clouded with irritation.

“Hell if I know!” she said hotly. “He’s such a jerk! I came here to get away from him.”

A small smile graced Kikyo’s lips.

“He has never been known for his gentleness,” Kikyo replied. “Although….” she trailed off, remembering how tenderly he had treated her. 

“Well...he said my clothes are weird,” Kagome spat, looking flustered. “And I know to you guys they do...and honestly it never bothered me before...but since you cleaned them, they’re different now.”

Silence. Kikyo and Kagome could only look into each other’s eyes. 

“Are they helpful?” Kikyo asked quietly. 

“They stay cleaner. And...I don’t seem to get as many little cuts and bruises now,” Kagome said. 

“I wanted to protect you,” Kikyo admitted. 

“But why?!” Kagome suddenly flew into a passionate rage, one hand covering her stuttering heart. “I thought you hated me! You said you wanted me dead! You said you loved InuYasha, but you want him dead too! Why are you suddenly being nice to me? Protecting me?! You went from hating my guts to...casting a freaking spell on my clothes! What the hell is with you? Just…AGHHHHH! You and InuYasha really would have been perfect for each other, ‘cause neither of you make any sense!”

Kagome wiped away an angry tear and picked up her bike.

“I just want to go HOME!” she shouted. 

Kikyo moved between Kagome and the well. She placed a trembling hand on Kagome’s chest, the pain in her heart overflowing to rare, sparkling tears. Astonished, Kagome opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. She could faintly smell the clay of Kikyo's smooth skin, feel the cool touch of Kikyo's slender fingers against her chest. Kikyo could feel Kagome's pounding heart, an explosive rhythm compared to the sluggish pulsing of Kikyo's own. They locked eyes, and both felt the unnerving tug of their shared soul yearning for their bodies to meld. 

Gasping, Kagome wrenched away, quickly stepping to the other side of the well. 

“I-I have to--” incoherent words stuttered out of her throat before she quickly and lightly leaped into the well, her bike laying forgotten on the forest floor. Kikyo looked inside, seeing only the ancient, crumbling bones of monsters past.


	4. Longed to Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kikyo & Kagome finally act on their confusing feelings.

Kagome spent a week with her family, neglecting her homework and sulking instead in her free time. Naturally, InuYasha appeared after four days to drag her back to the feudal era. She woke up to his curious little face inches away from her own, something she was used to at this point.

“Hello, InuYasha,” she sighed.

“Kagome!” he yelled, completely oblivious as usual to the concept of being inside. 

“What?” she replied dully as she sat up. 

“You know what! It’s been four days. When are you coming back?” he demanded, ears twitching.

Kagome took a deep breath and turned her head away, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Kikyo’s face gazed back at her, tears brightening her eyes. She turned away, an inexplicable sadness welling in her chest.

“Tell me, InuYasha,” she said softly. “If I grew my hair, would I look more like Kikyo?”

InuYasha leapt back, shocked.

“Y-you don’t...you guys aren’t the same!” he stammered.

A surge of anger flashed through her.

“You wish I did look more like her, don’t you?” she snapped.

InuYasha struggled to articulate the complicated feelings that he had never been able to fully untangle.

“I’m leaving,” he ended up spouting helplessly. “Come back when you’re not in this weird mood!” He stormed away, at an utter loss. Kagome watched him go, melancholy ebbing through her.

A few days later, Kagome returned to the feudal era. She inhaled the sweet, clean air, taking a moment to absorb the silence of a time without traffic or millions of chattering people. As always, her head felt clear amongst the chirping birds and gentle breeze. In this clarity, the unsettling truth in her heart was undeniable. She was still too afraid to examine it, but Kikyo’s face remained imprinted in her mind.

Nearly a month passed. Kikyo had urgent business to attend to, and Kagome continued her search with her friends. She could tell that InuYasha still felt awkward about their conversation in the present, so she spared him and didn’t bring it up. She knew it wasn’t fair to put him in that position, no matter how much it hurt her sometimes. Kagome admired and feared Kikyo. She wondered how she could share a soul with someone so cold. She knew, of course, that the priestess had not always been that way, but couldn't have ever imagined it before. Now, however, the speculation in Kagome’s mind was endless. 

The night of the new moon descended. InuYasha grew increasingly frustrated as his silver hair slowly blackened. They took up residence at an inn for the night. It pained Kagome to see InuYasha so tense and vulnerable, so she took it upon herself to fix him some sleepy tea. Before long, he was knocked out. Kagome, Sango, and Miroku sat around a small fire outside in companionable silence. With a start, Kagome realized that Kikyo must have been aware of InuYasha’s condition on the new moon. Did she care for him? Protect him? Was she tender then, or just as icy and stoic as she was now?

She sighed and looked up to the black sky, completely unaware that Kikyo rested in a tree just outside their inn.

Unbeknownst to the group, the priestess always made it a point to be nearby when InuYasha was so vulnerable. He couldn’t smell her scent without his keen dog nose, and she didn’t want him to die, especially at the hands of somebody else. 

Tonight, however, it was Kagome’s voice that lilted p to her above all others. She felt that Kagome might be troubled. 

Suddenly, Kagome stood.

“Where are you going?” Sango asked in alarm.

“I just wanna stretch my legs for a bit. I won’t go far.”

Sango and Miroku looked concerned, but didn’t try to stop her. They had all faith in each other’s prowess in battle. 

Kagome looped her bow around herself and walked out of the front gate of the inn, idly strolling between the trees. Her thoughts raced in the still air, and all the while that unnerving sensation in the pit of her stomach tightened as she thought of Kikyo. 

Miraculously, the tail of a soul collector caught Kagome’s eye as it slithered into the trees. A lump formed in her throat, and as if in a trance, she followed. The glow grew brighter and soul collectors appeared in full, skimming through the trees in greater numbers. They swirled around her, gazing at her with impassive eyes, tails brushing her cheeks and arms. She held her breath in wonder at their smooth skin and delicate features. 

She stopped as Kikyo loomed into view, lounging in the tree branches. Her hair streamed free of its ribbon, her body bathed in the glow of souls. They stood together in silence, merely gazing at each other, Kagome in wonder and Kikyo inscrutable. 

“Why have you come, Kagome?” Kikyo finally said in her low voice. Kagome swallowed.

“I saw your soul collectors,” she said meekly. 

“I am nearby more often than you think,” Kikyo replied. She held out a hand and her soul collectors went to her, gently lifting her from the tree and lowering her gracefully to the ground. Kagome took an involuntary step forward. Another silence fell as they stood close together. 

“Are we the same?” Kagome asked faintly.

“No,” Kikyo answered. 

Kagome clasped her hands together at her heart, eyes locked on Kikyo, legs trembling. They both seemed to have volumes to say to each other, but neither could express themselves. Kikyo stood still, bound to her pride. Kagome sensed this, and suddenly took a step forward, then another, until they were a breath apart. Kikyo stood only slightly taller than Kagome, who was shaking at seeing her past self so close. Kikyo’s skin was truly as porcelain, while Kagome’s was more ruddy from being in the sun. 

Kagome reached out to graze Kikyo’s cheeks with fingertips as light as a feather. Their spirits moved within them, yearning for completion, a deep ache in their lower bellies. Kikyo could not resist the call, and in the gleaming light of souls, she pressed her lips suddenly and firmly to Kagome’s.

Kagome tasted the past. Kikyo felt the future on her own lips, and together, the present felt like a single crystallized moment. Through this cosmic shift they felt each other’s lips, warm and soft. The soul collectors around them glowed with such intensity that the forest came alive with their light. 

Gasping, Kagome finally broke the kiss as she stumbled backwards. Kikyo put a trembling hand to her lips, astonished. The soul collectors’ light dimmed back to their typical soothing glow. Kikyo and Kagome could only look at each other in wonder. During the kiss, Kagome felt Kikyo’s living personality, the power of the Shikon Jewel in its entirety, the cunning and stupid demons who longed to possess it and its guardian priestess. 

Kikyo perceived the love of Kagome’s doting family, glimpsed the monstrous skyscrapers of the future, heard more clamor and noise than she could ever have imagined possible. They struggled to fathom the new empathic link that had formed between them.

“I saw your world,” Kikyo murmured. “It is filled with its own perils.”

Kagome could not find her words, but she was rescued by Sango’s voice, filling the gaps in the trees with kagome’s name. Kagome turned, looked helplessly back at Kikyo. Kikyo nodded. Kagome swallowed, gaze lingering before she ran off.

“I’m here!” she called.

Sango’s face was one of concern. 

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Kagome nodded, dazed.

“Yeah, sorry. I lost track of time.”

“I saw Kikyo’s soul collectors. Is she close by? Wherever she is, danger often soon follows.”

“She was sleeping in a tree. I was...watching her,” Kagome finished lamely.

Sango, understanding the link of past and present, nodded her head. She couldn’t imagine meeting her past self, but she would probably get a good look too. Together, the two women returned to camp, Kagome’s heart and mind racing.


	5. Only a Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kikyo and Kagome finally break the tension, only to be discovered....

Kikyo and Kagome began to meet regularly. The hatred in Kikyo's belly had morphed into a similarly intense longing, while Kagome's fear only drove her into the arms of the undead priestess. Kagome began talking "walks" when she knew Kikyo was nearby, careful to arrange them when InuYasha was especially tired (a difficult feat) or distracted by food. They would meet secretly in dense thickets of trees, soul collectors keeping their lookout and warning the two when it seemed they would be discovered. Their first kiss had galvanized them, and they sat close together, speaking in low whispers, often holding each other's delicate hands. They had not kissed since, fearing what could happen, but each of them thought it when they glanced at each other's lips. They spoke of their separate lives, laughing at coincidences, musing over the difference, and marveling at the unique dangers of each other's worlds.

One night, as they sat particularly close together against the trunk of a large tree, the conversation felt strained. Longer than normal pauses occurred between thoughts, and each knew what the other was thinking. Kikyo's long hair framed her bloodless face, her white flesh peaking through her modest robes. Their fingers were intertwined, and Kagome could feel Kikyo's soft yet firm flesh, the clay smell lingering, mixed with a metallic undercurrent that Kagome knew was magic. Kagome herself smelled sweet, as she was wearing a perfume from her time period, and Kikyo couldn't get enough of it. The scent mixed with the fresh bouquet of the unpolluted air, weaving a tapestry of innocence that made Kikyo's head swim. The silence between them stretched out, until Kagome felt that her heart would burst.

In a fumbling, clumsy lurch, Kagome leaned into Kikyo and kissed her softly, tentatively. Kikyo's inner belly flared with desire, her soul collectors blazing brightly in unison. They kissed gently, continuously, hands still clasped. Something insistent stirred in Kikyo and she pulled Kagome closer, crushing her to herself as they shared memories of their lives. Kagome's lips slowly parted, allowing Kikyo's tongue to gently probe, tasting the sweetness of her tongue. Something switched between them, and the innocence gave way to a desperation, a longing to know each other in the way that only they could understand. In a flash, Kagome was seated on Kikyo's lap, the kiss unbroken as she pressed herself against the tops of Kikyo's thighs. All they could hear were the quiet chirps of forest life around them, mingled with their quickening breaths and gasps. As they got lost in each other, Kikyo's hands began to roam, gripping Kagome's waist, her thighs, her buttocks, encouraging Kagome's soft grinding against Kikyo's lap. Kikyo's hands slid up Kagome's uniform shirt, their breathing entangled as she sought to grip Kagome's soft and supple breast, but as her hands got to the ribcage, she realized the soul collector's steady beam had given way to bright flashing, as though in warning, and quickly she broke the kiss, gasping, realizing that it was too late, because--

"K-Kagome?" InuYasha stood in front of them, ears uncharacteristically flattened against his mane. It took Kagome a moment to catch on, as she was lost in the wetness between her legs, but as she pulled back and saw that Kikyo was staring behind her, she yelped and quickly jumped to her feet.

"InuYasha!" she squealed, covering her mouth with trembling hands. Kikyo did not rise. She merely continued sitting by the tree trunk, gazing at InuYasha with an unbroken stare. She did not seem ashamed, and she had quickly covered her surprise. InuYasha continued to look back and forth between the two of them, as though not daring to believe what he had seen.

"Kikyo!" he suddenly shouted, taking an angry step forward. "Were you hurting Kagome?!" Kikyo could see, deep down in InuYasha's eyes, that he knew this was far from the case, and she watched calmly as he made mental leaps away from the truth in his mind, and instead twisted what he had seen into something that was much less hurtful and confusing to his ego. He moved quickly to Kagome and got in the usual position for her to climb onto his back.

"If you come near her or try to hurt her again, I'll kill you," Inuyasha snarled. Kagome, too frightened and confused to do anything else, clambered onto his back, refusing to glance back at Kikyo. Kikyo knew the rancor in InuYasha's voice came not from conviction, but from fright, and she said nothing as he leapt away with a flustered Kagome in tow. She merely watched on, and spent a long time calming her breath beneath the tree.


End file.
